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Not to harp on this, but I feel like saying it, and then I swear it's over and done with. This will truly be the final entry on her.

So, last time I went to see Delilah, it was to give her back a necklace she gave me, and for her to give me back the box for the engagement ring. The time before that, I literally was there for about 20 seconds and left without saying much. I decided to be more civil this time. We hugged and spoke for a few moments. It was slightly awkward, but it felt like maybe with a little time, at least a friendship could be maintained.

Cut to a few days later. I get a text from her saying "I'm glad to see you're moving on. I'm really happy for you. How would you like to go about with me paying you back the money I owe you?" Keep in mind, this is LITERALLY the day after Maria and I started dating. I told her to just let me know when she had money, that $100 at a time was good and I'd simply go to her place to pick it up. I jokingly said it would be better than wasting a stamp to mail it to me. Her response? "What's your address again? I may just decide to waste the stamps."

Wow. Seriously? You now hate me so much that you can't be in my presence for 10 seconds to hand over some money? Somehow, I should have expected this to happen. Silly me for thinking things could be alright. Funny how she is the one who broke up with me all 3 times, yet SHE'S the one acting hurt and upset.

Her problem is that she has an ego. I remember the first time we broke up, I got a number from a stripper and she wanted to take me out for coffee, invite me to her house and everything. When Delilah found out, she even admitted that she thought it would take me longer to get over her. Second time we broke up, I told her all the plans I would try to get myself together and move on, then guess what? She was upset. Why? Because I wasn't more upset about it being over.

Here we are now. We broke up a few weeks ago, and instead of moping, what happens? I reunite with my best friend, and then we decide to date. As soon as she finds out, she acts hostile towards me. Clearly, there are 2 easy explanations for this:

1. Once again, she's upset that I moved on so quickly.
2. It's because it's with Maria.

Sorry to say, but after breaking up so many times, do you really think it's going to bother me that much? Is your ego really that big? Are you truly that vain? Sadly, it seems that way.

Maybe she thinks I did this out of spite to hurt her. Maybe it's the same nonsense as all the other times, where she thinks distancing herself from me will make her feel better. By her own admission, I was the only real friend she ever had, and yet despite my best efforts to retain a friendship IN SPITE of her treatment of me, she tosses me to the side like I meant absolutely nothing.

You know what? We BOTH got what we wanted in the end, but I don't think you're going to be too happy about it. I can't even be mad at you, because in the end, I just feel sorry for you.


May. 16th, 2013 10:13 pm
horrormartyr: (Default)
So, I have my buddy Scott designing a tattoo for me, and so far it's looking pretty awesome. I wanted it to say Horror Martyr (my label on a horror forum because I watch the absolute worst of the worst) along with 5 silver stars. On its own, it isn't much, but Scott is making it into something special for me. The only request I had was that he fit a knife and syringe somewhere into the design, the rest is up to him. He's also designing a Rainbow Fish for Maria, and I'm sure that will turn out nice as well.

I find it funny because I always liked the idea of a tattoo, but never thought I would get one. I happened to get one spur of the moment before leaving Florida though, and I absolutely love it. The current one I have is a skull with a jester hat. It fits me perfectly because I do enjoy morbid things, but I also love to make people laugh. In the middle of getting it, I was already thinking of another, and I knew I wanted Scott to do something for me. I really can't wait to see what kick ass design he comes up with.
horrormartyr: (Default)
Not too much has happened as of late, but I do like to keep writing to stay in the flow of it. Let's see what has gone down recently...

Well, after weeks of procrastination, I FINALLY finished chapter 12 of the food safety course. It was exceedingly long and excruciatingly boring. What pissed me off is that after all that, most of the questions were about stuff at the end of the reading, thus making more than half of what I read absolutely pointless! Oh well, next 2 are short at least, and hopefully the last chapter is just rehash so I can breeze through it. We'll see.

My good buddy (more like my brother really) Valdo is doing well for himself lately and I'm so proud. His wrestling training is really paying off. He's gotten into great shape and has been getting booked on more and more shows recently. Right now he's a referee, but I'm sure pretty soon they're going to try and put him in a match. He's been making a lot of friends who are big names in the independent circuit, and one of the upcoming shows will feature a lot of former stars from WWE and TNA. I told him to make sure to ask as many questions as possible so he can learn tricks of the trade, as well as make connections that can help him move forward with his dream. He's come a long way and his dedication really shows. I can't wait to see him succeed because I always knew he had it in him.

Originally Maria was supposed to come by on Monday, but my Grandmother has issues with my girlfriends staying over late (or later than she feels is proper). So instead of rushing things, I met up with her and her nephew Stevie. We ate at McDonald's, then went back to his house and just talked and watched t.v. Afterwards she dropped me off at the train, but we stayed in the Jeep and spoke about a lot of different stuff for about 2 hours. Simple, but good. Any time with her is wonderful. I really love her so much and am glad to be with her.

Tuesday I went to take my ex's engagement ring to get cleaned and re-sized. Why you ask? Well, my Dad gave me some money for it and decided to give it to his girlfriend as a gift. I told the lady my story and she went "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Do you want to bring that girl here so I can beat her up?" That was hilarious. After that I went to Hot Topic to pick up Emilie Autumn's "Fight Like A Girl" album, and also picked up 2 shirts since it was buy 1 get 1 half off. I found a kick ass CM Punk shirt, but was having a hard time finding another one I liked, so I ended up picking up a Dr. Who shirt because it was funny. I don't even watch the show, but I needed another and that was all I could find that I liked (and wasn't black).

Other than that, I'm looking forward to finishing these quizzes so I can take my food safety test and for my darling Riasaur to finish her finals so we can hang out more and have our sleepovers! Things are certainly looking good.
horrormartyr: (Default)
Girlfriend. The word does not do her justice. She has always, and will always mean more to me than words could ever express. I could write a thousand pages and still feel like I didn't even scratch the surface of what I was trying to say. She's not just my girlfriend. She's my best friend. My confidante. Everything I could ever want in a person, she is that and so much more. I love her with all my heart and honestly can't imagine being without her.

I knew she was a great person from the very first second I met her years ago. We immediately clicked. I stupidly lost touch with her, but we got back in touch years later and picked up right where we left off. I've never had this sort of instant chemistry like I had with her. For the longest time, we were inseparable. It was the greatest feeling I had ever known. I even said to her that I had more fun with her as a friend than I ever did in an actual relationship. We were so close that coworkers and friends alike swore we were together.

There came a time though, where our relationship became strained. Since we weren't together, I did become involved with someone and it was hard to find a balance. Whereas before I was available 24/7 and would not hesitate to leave whatever I was doing (even if it was being at a party) to go see her, I couldn't anymore. I tried explaining this to my girlfriend, how our relationship was so close and that even though she had other friends, I was the one she turned to the most. She either didn't, or more likely, refused to understand this point. It caused a lot of problems and unfortunately, it led to a huge argument where we stopped speaking.

At the time, I thought that things were better this way. I tried to convince myself I was happier. What happened though, was completely unexpected. No matter how happy I was, I always felt like something was missing. Life felt incomplete and I could never seem to figure out why. It wasn't until almost 2 years later that I got an e-mail that it dawned on me.

I looked at it and was honestly contemplating not reading it. I was scared at what might have been said in it. I opened it and read it. Then I read it about 10 or 11 times over the course of 3 days before I responded. After I did, it felt good. We exchanged a few back and forth before I just stopped responding because I was afraid of what my fiancee would think. Again, after I stopped responding, I felt awful.

Cut to...about a month and a half ago? We'll go with that. My memory isn't very good these days. A mutual friend gave my number to her after she found out my relationship fell apart. I woke up to 7 messages from a number I didn't know. I reread them multiple times before responding. Once again, after a slight awkward start, we clicked again. We decided to see each other and once we met up, it was like the distance never happened.

We hung out many times, both alone and in a group. We watched movies, we went out to eat, sent each other a million texts, all like before. One night when she drove me home, we were giving each other a hug and I just had to say it. "I want to kiss you." I was so afraid of the response I was going to get, but I felt like now was the moment. She told me she felt it too, but was nervous. I told her there was no rush and no pressure. After a few moments of talking, it happened, and it was wonderful.

I truly do believe that we are soul mates. Even though you're younger than me, I feel like I have learned more from you than I ever have anywhere else in my life. You taught me to be more patient, more understanding, more empathetic, to be a better person. You've shown me love in a way I have never known before. When we're together, I feel like anything is possible. When I'm apart from you, all I can think how much fun we had and how I can't wait to see you again. I feel safe when you hold me, and I feel warm when I hold you. I know I can always count on you to listen to me. You let me be myself and love me for it. You encourage and inspire me. Most importantly, you never gave up on me.

I don't care how anyone else feels or what they have to say. I love you with all my heart and I'm so grateful to have you in my life. You mean everything to me and I truly can't imagine my life without you in it. May 10th is officially the greatest day of my life. I've had so much fun with you, and I can't wait to continue our journey together.

I love you so much my lovely, darling Riasaur. Here's to many more years of bad movies, kisses, cuddles, and whatever else we decide to do. There is no one else I would rather have with me in my travels than you.

Moving On

May. 12th, 2013 06:39 pm
horrormartyr: (Default)
I was going to make a big post about I felt really offended and hurt that my ex is vilifying me for no good reason, but you know what? I realize that she isn't worth it. I had a pretty sizable post started, but after the amazing time I just had with a certain special someone, I know that I'm with the one I should have been with all along. I know that I'll be happy with her and that I also have an amazing group of friends who will always be there when I need them.

Granted, I can say I missed out on a few good things due to what happened, but if this is the end result of making those mistakes, then it was worth it in the end. I dodged a major bullet. So you know what? THANK YOU. Breaking up with me is the biggest favor you could have ever done for me. I wish no ill will towards you, but good luck finding that impossible perfection you seek.
horrormartyr: (Default)
Yesterday I was supposed to meet up with my fellow movie buff Scott to go see Iron Man 3. He had some free passes that were going to use, then follow up the movie with dinner at Applebee's and dessert at Red Mango. As the title so obviously indicates, this did no go down as we planned.

First off, I got there at 3:30 and we were supposed to meet at 4, so I had time to kill. I left my house without eating so I figured I'd grab something quick to eat before Scott showed up. I was going to try 5 Guys, but the prices were insanely high so I walked out and went to Qdoba for a burrito. I remembered enjoying them before, but man, the burrito I got SUCKED. Granted, having been stuffing my face with the delicious taste of Dos Toros has made eating a burrito elsewhere more difficult, but I can still eat and enjoy Chipotle just fine. HOW IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS DELICIOUS DO YOU MAKE A BBQ PULLED PORK BURRITO SUCK!?!? I ate a little more than half of it, but I threw the rest of it away because all I could taste after a while was the bitterness of disappointment.

After that horrid experience, Scott showed up and we walked over to the theater to get our tickets then chill for a bit before heading to the theater. We were originally planning to see the 5:05 showing but it said it was sold out so we figured we'd go to the 6:30 one instead.

First problem we encounter is that there didn't appear to be a 2D showing. 3D is useless most times, and the fact that it adds $3 to the ticket price makes it that much less appealing. Whatever though, we figure we can deal with that. Unfortunately the guy tells us that every show is sold out until midnight. Ordinarily, this would merely be an unfortunate disappointment. In this instance though, we were very annoyed because many of the times displayed did not in fact, say this. He proceeded to say that it was updated in his computer, to which Scott replied "It doesn't say that where we can see it. It says there are still tickets available for these shows. You might want to update the information the customers see. Thanks for nothing."

We waited a few moments for the torrential downpour to slow down and then ate some Red Mango while we figured out our next move. We also made top 10 "Best of the Worst" movies we've watched during our many bad movie nights so we can gather them together for 1 big ass all day marathon. There are also 5 honorable mentions. For all the 1 of you interested, this is it in no particular order:

1. Manos: The Hands of Fate
2. Plan 9 From Outer Space
3. Black Samurai: Agent of D.R.A.G.O.N.
4. Kung Fu From Beyond The Grave
5. The Beast of Yucca Flats
6. The Basement
7. Killer Nerd
8. Combat Shock
9. 2001 Maniacs
10. Santa's Slay

Honorable Mentions: Masters of the Universe, Man-Thing, Howard the Duck, Monster Man and Last Action Hero.

After amassing this list (as well as speaking and laughing so loudly people in the place were staring at us), we decided to head back to Scott's house and watch movies. It turns out this ended up being more awesome in the end. We were trying to figure out what to watch when I suggested we watch the H.G. Lewis Blood Trilogy since he's never watched any of those films and I hadn't watched them in years.

We first had to check the dates so we could watch them in order (even though the movies aren't sequels or related in any real way). So it went: Blood Feast, Two Thousand Maniacs, and Color Me Blood Red. It's nice to see the origins of the gore film. Cheesy movies, but still a lot of fun.

We had time for 1 more movie, and strangely, we decided to end the night with Wreck-It Ralph. This was a movie we wanted to go see together but couldn't since I moved to Florida for a few months. It was amazing to see the picture on blu-ray! The animation was so crisp that it was honestly breathtaking. I enjoyed it before, and I enjoyed it even more watching it with a good friend.

Once that movie ended, I finally headed home. Definitely a great day. Who figured ruined plans would actually turn out to make the day better?
horrormartyr: (Default)
How the hell this happened, I will never know. I can definitely tell you I wasn't complaining though.

So, a few days ago I was doing my usual time wasting and procrastinating (my current hobby due to unemployment) when I got a text from Jen who invited me to go drinking in the city with her and some friends. What I really wanted to do was go this bar where they were having a showing of Piranha 3D, but everyone I knew was unavailable so I figured what the hell, I'll have a few drinks.

First things first, I got off at the wrong train stop so I ended up having to walk 20 minutes to find this damn place. When I did get there, HOLY NUTBALLS, this place was packed to the hilt. I have never seen anything like it in my life. I could barely move to find everyone, let alone go up to the bar.

Once I found the group, I kept my ass in the booth we were seated at. The place was loud as hell (they had loud ass speakers AND a DJ) and packed like a sardine can. Over the last year I seemed to have somehow developed claustrophobia, so being in this environment had me teetering on the brink of having a panic attack, which I did tell to the group (in a semi-joking manner). I was also super hungry so the idea of having a drink wasn't especially appealing to me at the time. One of the random people that they met kept insisting I have a drink, and since he managed to snag 2 free drinks, he gave me one out of what I can only presume to be pity.

Eventually I did take a liking to this guy named Phil and a girl named Noelle who I had met about a week or so earlier at another hangout. Oh, the guy who gave me a drink was named Carlos by the way. He was drunk as hell and apparently took a liking to Jen which was absolutely hysterical. He kept going back and getting 2 or 3 drinks at a time and kept passing them off to me and Phil, who stayed seated while talking and eating boxes of Captain Crunch. We decided to go to the bar next door, but we did so in a sneaky manner to avoid this Carlos guy following us.

The bar next door is owned by the same people, but it had much more open space so I didn't feel anxious. I almost didn't get in actually! I had gone yesterday to the DMV to change my Florida license to a New York State one so all I have is this flimsy paper I.D. with no photo on it. I explained this to the...door man? Bouncer? Whoever he was, I told him I recently moved back and wasn't working (1 of these 2 things is true) so I had no other form of identification to show. I guess since everyone came out to say goodbye, he took pity on me and let me in (or perhaps partially since I had a wrist band and explained we all came from the bar next door), so that was cool. I made sure to thank him for that.

I wasn't entirely sure what I was going to do since my free drink ticket was no longer there, but Noelle and her boyfriend Greg got fish bowls full of some mixed drink that the 6 or so of us shared. There was a dance floor, so while the majority of the group was dancing, me and Phil were chugging down the fish bowls. They played a few catchy tracks, so I got my ass up and started jumping around and attempting to dance. I was pretty messed up though so while hopping around to Gangnam Style I tripped and fell against a wall. The bouncer guy gave me a look and a slight warning, but I apologized and said I merely lost my footing (which was a lie, sort of).

Anyway, 3 fishbowls and many embarrassing excuses for dance moves later, we all headed home. I ended up falling asleep on the train and missed my stop. I woke up at the last stop, got on the next train, then thankfully my bus was there so I didn't really have to wait. I got off early to pick up a chicken and rice from the Halal cart because I was still starving and desperately needed to have something other than alcohol in my system. I got home at 5, ate, then plopped into bed around 5:45 AM. Good times.
horrormartyr: (Default)
Greetings dreamwidth community! I don't know why, but my first entry is always a hello one. Who I'm saying hello TO, I have no idea, but there ya go.

I've been meaning to get back into my writing for what feels like forever, and I think being here is just the thing I need to get back on track. Writing gives me peace, lets me think, and by re-reading entries, I tend to get a better perspective of why things happened the way they did and how to go about with situation in question.

Well, I suppose that's all there is to say about that. Hopefully I can meet some fellow movie lovers, writers and cool people here as well. Thank you for your time.


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May 2014

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