Jan. 22nd, 2014

horrormartyr: (Default)
I almost did what I promised myself I never would. I almost made another huge mistake due to my stupidity and irrational decision making that occurs when I get upset. I almost lost the most important person in my life for no reason. After coming back here and reading the things I wrote about her, and thinking about all we spoke about over the last few weeks I feel even more embarrassed about what happened.

We already discussed it at length, so I don't feel the need to really repeat everything here. But I just remember over the course of the weekend we spent together how when I looked at her, as we spoke, as we did everything together, how lucky I am to be with her. In my head as we were there cuddled up next to each other, I thought "You idiot. You really were going to give her up? Give THIS up?"

Part of me was just paranoid, part of it was probably due to dealing with so many shitty relationships where I was given up on over nothing that I just got to the point where I give up too easily. She even pointed out that when we were just friends, I never gave up that easily. I treated her a lot better too. Another thing is I feel like I put too much pressure on myself since we have this label, and in turn I put unnecessary pressure on her too.

Truth be told, we don't have a lot of fights. After 8 months, we've only ever had 3, and none were honestly all that bad. It was at least never over anything stupid. But we worked things out, spoke it over, and it's been a lot better since we have found compromises we can both agree on.

She's always been the one who has helped me when I was feeling down. She's made me laugh, smile, cheered me up, and been there for me more than anyone else I know. She's shown me what love is. She's told me all kinds of things, and she knows a lot of my secrets that others don't. She's a truly one of a kind person who can never be replaced.

I know that I can never love anyone else the way I do her. She's the most amazing and beautiful person I've ever known in my life, and I will absolutely make sure to treat her the way she deserves. I don't ever want to know what it's like to be without her around. She's everything to me, and I swear to never forget it again.

I love you so much. Thank you for everything you have and will ever do for me.

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horrormartyr

May 2014

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