May. 14th, 2013

horrormartyr: (Default)
Girlfriend. The word does not do her justice. She has always, and will always mean more to me than words could ever express. I could write a thousand pages and still feel like I didn't even scratch the surface of what I was trying to say. She's not just my girlfriend. She's my best friend. My confidante. Everything I could ever want in a person, she is that and so much more. I love her with all my heart and honestly can't imagine being without her.

I knew she was a great person from the very first second I met her years ago. We immediately clicked. I stupidly lost touch with her, but we got back in touch years later and picked up right where we left off. I've never had this sort of instant chemistry like I had with her. For the longest time, we were inseparable. It was the greatest feeling I had ever known. I even said to her that I had more fun with her as a friend than I ever did in an actual relationship. We were so close that coworkers and friends alike swore we were together.

There came a time though, where our relationship became strained. Since we weren't together, I did become involved with someone and it was hard to find a balance. Whereas before I was available 24/7 and would not hesitate to leave whatever I was doing (even if it was being at a party) to go see her, I couldn't anymore. I tried explaining this to my girlfriend, how our relationship was so close and that even though she had other friends, I was the one she turned to the most. She either didn't, or more likely, refused to understand this point. It caused a lot of problems and unfortunately, it led to a huge argument where we stopped speaking.

At the time, I thought that things were better this way. I tried to convince myself I was happier. What happened though, was completely unexpected. No matter how happy I was, I always felt like something was missing. Life felt incomplete and I could never seem to figure out why. It wasn't until almost 2 years later that I got an e-mail that it dawned on me.

I looked at it and was honestly contemplating not reading it. I was scared at what might have been said in it. I opened it and read it. Then I read it about 10 or 11 times over the course of 3 days before I responded. After I did, it felt good. We exchanged a few back and forth before I just stopped responding because I was afraid of what my fiancee would think. Again, after I stopped responding, I felt awful.

Cut to...about a month and a half ago? We'll go with that. My memory isn't very good these days. A mutual friend gave my number to her after she found out my relationship fell apart. I woke up to 7 messages from a number I didn't know. I reread them multiple times before responding. Once again, after a slight awkward start, we clicked again. We decided to see each other and once we met up, it was like the distance never happened.

We hung out many times, both alone and in a group. We watched movies, we went out to eat, sent each other a million texts, all like before. One night when she drove me home, we were giving each other a hug and I just had to say it. "I want to kiss you." I was so afraid of the response I was going to get, but I felt like now was the moment. She told me she felt it too, but was nervous. I told her there was no rush and no pressure. After a few moments of talking, it happened, and it was wonderful.

I truly do believe that we are soul mates. Even though you're younger than me, I feel like I have learned more from you than I ever have anywhere else in my life. You taught me to be more patient, more understanding, more empathetic, to be a better person. You've shown me love in a way I have never known before. When we're together, I feel like anything is possible. When I'm apart from you, all I can think how much fun we had and how I can't wait to see you again. I feel safe when you hold me, and I feel warm when I hold you. I know I can always count on you to listen to me. You let me be myself and love me for it. You encourage and inspire me. Most importantly, you never gave up on me.

I don't care how anyone else feels or what they have to say. I love you with all my heart and I'm so grateful to have you in my life. You mean everything to me and I truly can't imagine my life without you in it. May 10th is officially the greatest day of my life. I've had so much fun with you, and I can't wait to continue our journey together.

I love you so much my lovely, darling Riasaur. Here's to many more years of bad movies, kisses, cuddles, and whatever else we decide to do. There is no one else I would rather have with me in my travels than you.

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horrormartyr

May 2014

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